Let’s set the scene…

You get a new puppy. You “ooohhh” and “aaawww” over this puppy. The puppy grows up and realizes there’s a world out there! This world doesn’t include you! There are sniffs, smells, other dogs, and PEOPLE!!! SO MANY NEW FRIENDS!!! What do you start to become to this puppy? The High Maintenance Girlfriend. You know the girlfriend that you stay with because she makes you look great and feel great, but she also bosses you around maybe a little too much? “Fido come!” “Fido, stop sniffing that!” “Fido, watch me” “Fido, Fido, Fido!” In a human scenario it looks like: telling you where to be, what to wear, how to behave, what to say, your schedule belongs to her, and she expects it without any excuses or let-downs. People stay in this type of relationship because we rationalize all of the good parts that are not so “bossy” or you decide this type of relationship is not for you and you leave and find one that is more acceptable. Your dog does not have that option. They have to stay with their High Maintenance Girlfriend. Since Fido thinks meeting new people, sniffing good sniffs, and getting away from you is more rewarding, they do that but with more intensity.

If you do not like the High Maintenance Girlfriend analogy, I have also used the co-worker who ALWAYS asks you questions or stops you in the hall to chat when he sees you analogy. All you wanted to do was grab some coffee, lunch, or use the bathroom. Eventually, you start cringing when you catch a glimpse of that person and hope they don’t see you. Yep, your dog feels this way about you too sometimes. Or maybe that sick feeling you get in your stomach when your boss calls you into his/her office. That too! However, you don’t live with your workmates, you often live with a High Maintenance Girlfriend.

So, what do I do instead?

I recommend starting with passive engagement. This is when I do not beg and plead with Fido to look at me or pay attention to me. I wait for my dog to pay attention to me and I reward him with either food or play. If I want to get engagement from my dog right after I release him from his crate I make sure he cannot do anything fun (to him) after I release him from his crate. If the crate is in my bedroom I’ll shut the bedroom door prior to training. I let my dog out of his crate and then I just stand there, when Fido acknowledges me, I give a treat or two. Maybe I’ll do some personal play with Fido if he enjoys it.

If I have a fenced-in backyard, I will gather up 15-20 treats in each hand and meander out back while Fido is outside. If Fido walks up to see what is going on, I’ll give Fido a treat, if he stays with me, I’ll give him another treat. If Fido runs away, that’s fine, he gets no treat. When you run out of treats the game is over. You can also play these types of games really close to your car in parking lots at the store or at the park. Don’t take Fido for a walk at the park or shopping at the dog-friendly store unless he is giving you passive engagement first. However, you need to build up to long stretches of engagement.

The key to passive engagement games is NOT saying anything to our dogs. It is our dogs’ RESPONSIBILITY to pay attention to us! If we always have to ask Fido to check in with us, the only time he will give us attention is when we ask him to. Have you ever had a co-worker who randomly brought you candy or a Wendy’s Frosty? I have! I loved seeing him or saying “Hi” to him. Be that type of dog owner. We want our dogs to be excited to be in public with us.

There are some other games we play in Canine Life Skills class that can help with Engagement and Relationship Building. If you would like more information on Group Classes, click here!